If I look back at 2010 and maybe even since I have been a mother, the only words I can think of are, “lost and found.” Sometimes it seems to be this persistent rhythm on the inside of me. I see or find a glimpse of who I truly am and in an instant, it is swept away in the large mixture of who everyone expects me to be. I don’t know that anyone else experiences this constant back and forth of “lost and found” like I do. I’m sure part of it is normal but most of it is….. me. My past, and as much as I wish it wasn’t, my present. I know exactly who I am and who I feel I was born to be, BUT, most of the time, I run in another direction, thinking that I am responsible to be somewhere that I have no business being. I can only be completely honest (maybe too honest) and say that many times I take on other people’s purposes as my own, thinking their purpose must be the only true, right way to live. When, in reality, my true purpose on this earth looks like one of those splatter paintings that they call “abstract.” It looks like something you have never seen before, but something that people are attracted to because it looks like nothing else they’ve seen.
Change seems to be the only constant around here. Not just little changes, but major ones. I am seeking out this sweet spot in life that I am sure is there. I’ve gotten so close in the past. So I’m on the path to being “found” again. This time, I may be a tad head strong… just to be sure I make it.
I needed to revisit and breath new life into this space. It is always a good companion to remind me of anything and everything beautiful in my life. I use this place to remind myself of all the amazing things in my world, when it feels like my world is spinning. So, if you’re reading, welcome back, to this constantly dizzy world…
I don’t know what else to do but be honest about my journey. I figure everyone’s on one, so maybe mine will give you a small bit of laughter, inspiration, and insight.
Happy New Year.